Teach Children the Power of Matching Fund

Due to the natural disaster in Asia, my children’s school set up a Relief Fund and asked parents for donation. They did the same for Hurricane Katrina and the Southeast Asia Tsunami. But I want to make it different this time – I asked my children to donate.

I figure it is the right time. First, the disaster news was all around. My children had already seen the pictures as I mentioned in “Share with Children the Disaster News”. They had asked why people asked for donation, where would the money go, who could be benefited, what would the victim get, what do they need the most, why people should donate, what do they get, etc. With all the explanations I made, they should be ready for their first big monetary donation.

I also told my children the power of matching fund. I offered to match 100% of what they donate. To make the deal even sweeter, I showed them my company policy to match 100% of how much we donate. My 8-year-old girl thought it was so “cool” to make $1 become $4. She opened her wallet and counted the bills; so did my other daughter.

I think I just killed two or three birds with one stone.

Private Time with Each Child

It is not easy to balance between work and family, not to mention when you have multiple children. Distributing the fair amount of attention to each is no less challenging than working on several projects with close deadlines. I have three little daughters. I always have to split myself up and give each of them few minutes at a time. They have to take turn to talk to Mommy, but the wait should not be long.

My youngest Princess had a photo shoot the other day. So, she could not join the other sisters to the Yankees Stadium for the baseball game. She complained it was unfair at the beginning. But as soon as she realized she could have Mommy the whole evening and night just for herself, she was overjoyed.

It was Friday 5:30pm when we finished the shooting, Princess HH wanted to do some shopping at the mall. So we did. I must say shopping with one kid is very relaxing. If you don’t agree, try shop with three young ones.

After we picked our gifts, we stopped by Chuck E Cheese’s to play some games. Within the 15 minutes we were there, Princess HH probably played more games than she had in an hour when her sisters were around taking turns.

The two of us had dinner in a restaurant picked by Princess HH and dishes ordered by the 3-year-old. We chatted about her friends, school, Sesame monsters, and of course the sisters. Oh, we had so much fun.

As for my other two Princesses, they were happy not to have a “baby” around. After all, they think watching game at the stadium is a big kid thing.

Lesson learned: I should separate my Princesses for different activities every now and then. I mean real activities, not just having one in piano class while another one in ballet. More importantly, I should give each of them some private time with Mommy. Such time is treasure to the kids AND me.

Managing Children and Leading Staff

Though my Princesses are just two years apart from each other, their interests and capabilities are not quite close. Keeping them contented under the same roof could be challenging, but definitely doable. The more I look at it; I found it very similar to managing staff in the work environment.

Rule #1: Understand your staff, know what they like and what they do the best
LL (8-year-old) loves Harry Potter movies after she finished reading the whole series, but her sisters think they are scary. HH (3-year-old) prefers Sesame Street and Curious George. She particularly likes playing the games at pbskids.org and sesameworkshop.org. Our kindergartener YY (5.5-year-old) is busy learning and trying very hard to catch up with LL. She is the only one who wouldn’t mind to practice Chinese writing.

Rule #2: Assign projects that best fit their interest and capabilities
This is the reason we have three TVs and three computers at home. They are in separate locations and would not bother each other. No fighting. No tears.

Rule #3: Multitask
I would stop by each one to check their progress, answer questions and reassign tasks every 10-15 minutes. In between I have to do my work too – cooking, cleaning, you name it.

Rule #4: Give the opportunities to work together
How about drawing a giant picture with chalk in the backyard? Are you ready to make some jello? Let’s do it together.

Rule #5: Let them help each other and learn from each other
Sometimes I ask one read to the other, or one show the other shortcut to finish a task. Mom rewards those who help and those who learn from sisters patiently.

Rule #6: Some pain, some gain“Time is up. Piano time. You can come back to play the game after your finish practicing the new song.”

Rule #7: Give them limited options
Instead of asking what they want for lunch, ask if they want noodle or rice. Instead of asking whether they want any fruit (when you actually want them to have some anyway), ask if they prefer orange or mango.

Rule #8: Be fair – at least make them believe you are“LL took nap when she was at your age. You don’t need to nap after you turn six. It is fair. No question.”

Rule #9: Knows what to deal with conflicts“I told you: no one gets anything if you fight. The doll is now mine. I don’t care who started it. Someone should have come to me before the fight.”

Rule #10: Negotiate and build trust
Listen to what they want. If they want to go to McD to have the happy meal and toy, make a deal to go to noodle bar and then 99 cents store to get some stickers or such. Communicate with them that you are boss and all you want is their best. Lead them the way that they could and would trust you.

These are real management skills. Mothers should put these to the resumes.

Technology Empowers or Dehumanizes Relationships

Dan C. and I had a discussion today on whether technology empowers or dehumanizes Relationships.

Look around on the train or bus. People are listening to iPods, reading their e-books, replying emails, watching videos, texting messages, playing games. Nobody talks any more, as if nobody needs to. There isn’t even eye contact. It is amazing – and scary – how people in such close proximity could be so disconnected.

Technology is supposed to be a tool to facilitate interaction, not to prevent it. But why people IM when they are sitting to each other? I personally think it is up to the people. From my personal experience, technology definitely empowers me to communicate with my network.

Before Facebook, I seldom talked to my college friends, almost never talked to my high schoolmates in Hong Kong. Now, not only we "talked", we are organizing reunion outside the cyber world. LinkedIn is my address book for most of my colleagues and business associates. It helps me to track if they change job or get promoted. I always send a note to them when that happens. My best friends (since childhood) are not in the US, but we never feel we are far from each other. It is all because of the advanced technology. Without it, I don't know how I work efficiently with freelancers around the world on some of my moonlight projects.

Dan argued that technology is an enabler but also a trap. Since it enables remote access to work, most of us work longer and practically standing by 24/7. People feel compelled to be plugged so as not to fall behind.

Is that technology's fault? Technology improves productivities. It makes remote working possible, but never asks anyone to work more hours. It is the people who choose to work more hours. It is the corporate culture, peer pressure, and close deadline that force people to “choose” to work harder.

But serious, it is your call – to control or to be controlled by technology.

Technology and the Generational Divide

Just came back from a forum “Technology and the Generational Divide – Bridging the Gap” in NYC. Panelists include Joanne Martin, President of the IBM Academy; Mark Schnitzer, General Manager of MSN Money; and Eric Kamen, Managing Director of Morgan Stanley Information Technology. CBS Consumer Reporter Kirstin Cole was the moderator.

Some notes to share:

• No doubt different generations have very different comfort levels on all kinds of technology. Bridging the gaps among staff of various generations is challenging. Companies should seek ways to take advantage of the dissimilarity and bond people together.


• Social network is not just for marketing; at least companies should not see it that way. Incorporate it in the business strategy to engage customers, enhance services, and empower internal communication as well as collaboration.


• Technology changes the culture and communication in every generation. It could change corporate culture too.


• Thanks to technology. Many professionals practically work 24/7 now. It is convenient and also frustrating. It is our job to be selective, to enjoy work while being "entertained."


• Parents should set good examples as to when to unplug. To save children from cyber crime, the only way is to educate, educate and educate.


• The major obstacle for big corporations, especially financial service companies, to adopt new technology is the regulation restrictions. Panelists insist technology developers/providers are aware of the issue. They believe there has been some progress.


• Technology usage behavior varies not just between generation, but also age, and gender. MSN research finds that women skew more on social network while men tend to use it as tool to perform tasks.


• There has been a drop in women selecting technology at school in the past few years. It is not a good sign. Outside of the US, this has become a serious problem.

I also learned something else from few new friends. Special thank you to Women’s Bond Club for organizing the event.

Share With Children the Disaster News

Experts suggest parents to limit young children exposure to the news, especially TV as it tends to report only the most dramatic events. What if the news pictures are all around? What if they ask questions about it?

When the two planes crashed into WTC in 2001, my eldest daughter was in the nursery school 5 minutes walk away from the scene. I ran from midtown where I worked to pick her up. Luckily, the teachers were still there to ensure the safety of the children. We walked over Manhattan Bridge with hundreds of anxious New Yorkers. I was no less scared than any of them. My one-year-old, however, was so tired that she fell into asleep in my arm.

We managed to get back home in Brooklyn hours later. Everything was normal in the neighborhood. I did not turn on TV, radio or any media. I tried to stay calm (pretend to be calm). My daughter did not know anything about 911. To her, it was just like any other day.

When Tsunami hit the Southeast Asia in 2005, I hid the news from my three daughters (5-, 3- and half-year-olds). It was not difficult. But I could not do the same when Hurricane Katrina stuck New Orleans later the year. The news was all over the school. Teachers explained what hurricane was in the class. I could not stop them.

Just this month, we had two major natural disasters – cyclone in Myanmar and earthquake in China. This time, I have nowhere to hide my kids from the news. They heard about it from school. When we were in Chinatown, the sad pictures are on front covers of all Chinese newspapers. Since newspapers were displayed and sold in every block of the town, one could not avoid seeing them. Several community organizations set up booths on the streets (almost every other block) asking for donation to the relief fund. Even the school sent out notice asking for donation.

So, I took another path. I proactively showed my children the disaster pictures on the Internet and explained to them what happened. They were sad, but did not cry. My main messages to them were:

• Be thankful for what you have. Some other kids could not even have water.
• Help when you can. The money you give up for a bubble tea (their favorite Asian drink) is enough to feed a family over there a healthy meal.
• Sad things happen. Be strong if it happens to you.

We mourned for few minutes. As soon as I offered ice-cream, smiley faces came back. My children were happy again.

... It is me who cannot put away the sad images, cannot stop thinking about what-if. Maybe it is better to take the news when you are young, when it is easier to be distracted and effortless to stay positive.

Feng Shui

Feng Shui is no longer limited to Chinese. Many American are interested in it. Google just gave me 24.8 million "Feng Shui" search results as I am typing this, not too far away from Chinese equivalent "風水" which shows 37.6 million results. There are many English books about the topic too. I just found 8,000+ from Amazon.

Last weekend, I spotted some Chinese Feng Shui books in the Central Library. I immediately borrowed two. After all, it is better to study Chinese culture in Chinese. The books were written by two renowned Feng Shui masters. Though the content covers only the basic – more like Feng Shui 101 for dummies, there are conflicts between the two. So, who should I believe?

For sure, I should believe in myself. Whichever way makes me feel more comfortable will be where I would head to. Follow the heart. Feng Shui is for reference only.

What I Want For My Mother’s Day

My Princesses complained that they did not enjoy the Mother’s Day dinner with the extended family because I spent too much time talking to the adults.

My sweet hearts, I don’t have that much chance to have dinner with my parents and brothers. Please let me play my role as a daughter and a sister; allow me talk like an adult with other adults. I would be 100% yours right after. That’s another my mother’s gift I like to have.

Of course, I also love the cards you drew, the pictures you painted, the plants you bought, the tissue flower you made and the one-hour afternoon nap you granted me… I just wanted a little more. It was my day. Thank you!

Internet Is Back

Finally, I have the Internet back at home. The disconnection was a nightmare… that I surprisingly enjoyed. I read a lot during the last few weeks – 12 Chinese and 2 English books. Now, time to go back to write.